A year ago, I was out in Nevada, across the country, waiting to say my final good-bye to my Mom. This once strong woman, who gave me birth, raised me the best way she and my Dad knew how, and continued to be one of my best friends through life, until her last day on this earth. We had our moments… even arguments that extended into a year or better of no contact. However, even as a non-Christian at the time, I loved my parents, with all their flaws and forgiveness and reconciliation was only a matter of time. Even afterwards, when we got together, we shared not only a great deal of shared talents and tender moments, but gave evidence to the verse “iron sharpens iron”. When we got into it, it was irresistible force meeting immovable object. Now, after a lifetime of moments, Mom was dying, and even though I thought I could deal with it, I was not as strong as I had thought.
While the family had gathered at her home, we visited with her, even though she did not respond much of the time, and much of my time was spent by her bedside reading to her. At first, it was Dale Black’s “Flight to Heaven”, which continued to be a comfort to me afterwards, then I read to her out of John, 1 John, and Psalms. The night I lost all my composure and broke down into an inconsolable grief was a turning point for me. As I woke the next morning, praying … repenting, I asked God to help me love the unlovables, then confessed to Him that I was not handling ‘this other’ very well, either. God knew, and I knew, what I was talking about… losing my mother. As I wept openly to God, and continued praying, the scripture ‘For surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows’… popped into my mind. As I thought about the scripture, not even wondering where it came from, I admitted to my Heavenly Father that I did not understand that scripture. I never have.
“If He has already borne them, why do I feel so crappy?” was my question to God. No answer. Oh well… for now, it didn’t matter. I resolved to chew on that scripture and seek the answer until I had it. As I finished praying however, I realized that I had already forgotten it! I went into a quiet panic. God, I forgot that verse already! Please, help me to remember it… what was it??? It came back, and this time, it stayed. And, yes… I have been chewing on it, meditating on it for the past year.
A few days ago, I was thinking on the verse in Romans 5:19 “ For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. “, I had an ‘aha’ moment. A true revelation that I believe ties in with the scripture God gave me a year ago. Of course, it does point to Jesus, whose obedience gave us the pathway to becoming a totally different creature. I was born into sin… a son of Adam, or son of man. Every person born into this world has a sinful nature because of the devastating consequences of Adam’s high treason against God. I have known this for years. And I also knew that Jesus was my Savior, who suffered at the hands of evil men, was crucified, buried, and then resurrected. I knew this in my mind, but the realization that I was truly a new creation… yes, born ‘again’, when I accepted God’s answer for our dilemma, I am now no longer a son of man, or son of Adam, but a son (or, in this case, daughter) of God, who has adopted me. Just as I was born into sin into my mother’s and father’s family years ago, I was also born into the family of God by the hand of God through Jesus. It is not arrogance, far from… it is rather humbling… mind boggling. It has nothing to do with what I have done, but rather what Jesus has done. Yes, He HAS borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. And yes, I am a new creation, not because of anything I have willed to do, done, or thought, but because of a mystery that God has done in me. All I had to do was receive it.
Musings 